valentines chocolate

Written by: Sexologist, Dr. Stephen de Wit DHS, MPH, ACS
Therapist – Consultant – Speaker

Ok, ok, if you are anything like me you maybe haven’t kept all of your new years resolutions and it’s not to late to mix things up a little. If you are like most people, your resolutions revolved around your health, money and leisure time, but have you thought about your sex life? If not, why not? A healthy, vibrant sex life is one of the fundamental tenets of a strong relationship. So if your sex life is not where you want it to be, I invite you to take it on as a new New Year’s Resolution (it’s never too late, and Valentines Day is coming up!) Below are 3 steps to make the sex in 2018 the best you’ve ever seen.

1). Talk it out, do not hide out

If you are avoiding having a conversation, yes that one! You know, that awkward one where you don’t know how they will respond or what the outcome will be. HAVE IT! The moment you decide not to talk about it, your sex life begins to deteriorate. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to sound smart…. but you do have to talk. A great place to start is to chat with your partner and check in to see if they are on the same page as you in wanting to improve your sex life. Having your partner as an accountability partner could be fun and exciting.

2). Find out what’s up doc?

See your medical doctor to address any underlying medical conditions that may be impacting your sex life. As you evolve, your body, hormones, drive will change as well. Understanding where you are from a medical perspective is a good baseline to start from.

3). See sex as a symptom

As a sex therapist one of the most common things I hear is “if we just could improve our sex life everything would be fine”. In my experience, sex is not the issue nor is it the solution but rather the symptom. There is almost always an unresolved issue or concern that gets in the way of you connecting sexually with your partner. Take a moment and think back to when your relationship started to deteriorate. What was going on in your relationship? Start there, work on resolving the issues in your relationship. It will go a long way to improving your sex life.


Stephen de Wit holds a Master of Public Health and a Doctorate of Human Sexuality and as a sexuality educator, speaker and media personality, Stephen is committed to transforming the way people think and communicate about sex so they can experience the joy, pleasure, power and vulnerability of what it is to be human. Stephen is also the author of the cutting edge book “The Sexual Freedom System: Winning the Inner Game of Sex”. He is a master at creating a fun, safe, comfortable environment for people to take an honest look at their sex lives and transform what is not working.