valentines chocolate

Written by: Sexologist, Dr. Stephen de Wit DHS, MPH, ACS
Therapist – Consultant – Speaker

Well the big day is here. Can you feel it? Are you flooded with excitement that tonight is going to be a fun and heart felt celebration of your love for your partner culminating with mind blowing sex? If you are like most people Valentine’s Day can also bring with it some pretty hefty expectations regardless if you have regular sex with your partner or are in a sexless relationship. I have included below 3 easy keys to keep your night on track and filled with connection and pleasure while minimizing any stress of sexual expectations:

1) Comfort is key

A powerful access to great sex is asking yourself the question “What is going to make my partner most comfortable?” We can often get caught up in what we are “supposed” to do or buy on Valentine’s day from wearing lingerie to buying roses and chocolates (don’t worry if you have those on tap for tonight you don’t have to return them). Take a moment and think what would have my partner most comfortable and be able to relax and enjoy tonight. Communication is key here so take a moment and think about what they have shared with you about what they really like and enjoy. Approaching things from this point of view is a great first step towards great sex.

2) Experience Something New Together

Stepping outside of you comfort zone together naturally increases the bond you have and your excitement levels. This could be something as tame as trying a new food, to going to a pleasure product store (that’s a fancy way of saying sex toy store), or watching erotica together. The point is to step out of your comfort zone together. Do something a bit risky together. Again communication is key here, create this experience with your partner don’t just “surprise” them and be sure to check in with each other during the experience.

3) Postpone Penetration

Sex is not football. Penetrative sex is often seen as the touchdown or sole focus of connecting sexually with your partner. Expand your sexual repertoire tonight. Don’t worry you don’t have to break out the whips, chains and sex swing (and there is nothing wrong if you do, just ensure there is lots of communication before, during and after). A simple yet effective way of mixing things up is slowing things down and switching the order in which you normally do things. Or you can focus on a new (non erogenous) body part and delight in your partner’s pleasure. You would be surprised a how an ear or a knee could become a hot zone.

Following these three steps are a easy way to create a memorable and sexually satisfying Valentine’s without the pressure.

Interested in learning more? Attend Stephen’s “Recharge, Reignite and Re-imagine Your Sex Life course on Saturday March 17th, 2018 at the canfitpro Academy. For full details and to register, click here.


Stephen de Wit holds a Master of Public Health and a Doctorate of Human Sexuality and as a sexuality educator, speaker and media personality, Stephen is committed to transforming the way people think and communicate about sex so they can experience the joy, pleasure, power and vulnerability of what it is to be human. Stephen is also the author of the cutting edge book “The Sexual Freedom System: Winning the Inner Game of Sex”. He is a master at creating a fun, safe, comfortable environment for people to take an honest look at their sex lives and transform what is not working.